I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
