...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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