After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
