I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
