Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
They have beer where we have blood.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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