I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
