gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
