the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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