Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
