You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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