new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
