I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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