Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
