anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I came so hard my ears popped.
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