I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
