There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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