"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
