so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
