There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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