Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
