Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
