and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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