I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
