Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
