I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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