everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
