That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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