It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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