dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
