He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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