My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
