Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
