i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
