My first STD was from a foam party
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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