I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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