i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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