I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
50% drunk capacity currently
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
