Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
