Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
