Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
