you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
