Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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