please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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