I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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