We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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