I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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