If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
