A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
