That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I need moral support for this bender
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
