So drunk its hurt
I don't think brook has ever known best
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
