Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
