i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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