Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
