After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
