Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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