i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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