Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
