It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
