I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i drank out of a bidet.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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