She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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