so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
