We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
