i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
