yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
