Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
