She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
