he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
