I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
