I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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