If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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