just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
