bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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