I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
