I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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