I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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