this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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