So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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