Soap is not a condiment
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
