i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
