If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
