when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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