hotel room ftw
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
