dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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