She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
