Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
