Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't deserve a penis
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
