HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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